have_seen_events is eating up time while processing state and auth events while backfilling

[MadLittleMods]

Mentioned in internal doc. Part of #13356

---

Optimize have_seen_events because when backfilling #matrix:matrix.org, 20s is just calling have_seen_events on the 200k state and auth events in the room.

• have_seen_events (157 db.have_seen_events) takes 6.62s to process 77k events
• have_seen_events (246 db.have_seen_events) takes 13.19s to process 122k events

---

Benchmark and timing is from the in-flight PR, #13561

The @cachedList is so slow 🐌 and we're better off removing it at this point. Would be good see if @cachedList can be improved or if we can improve things further with a better cache.

# events	Timing	Timing (removing the @cachedList cache)
50k	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 3.7170820236206055 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 0.2985079288482666 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 0.28847789764404297 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 0.1537461280822754 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.14780497550964355 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 0.1475691795349121 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.14868617057800293	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 0.3248419761657715 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 0.32351016998291016 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 0.3136260509490967 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 0.15899014472961426 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.15054106712341309 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 0.15465688705444336 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.1412408351898193
100k	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 8.10055136680603 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 0.6121761798858643 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 0.6093218326568604 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 0.29950785636901855 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.3049640655517578 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 0.3025388717651367 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.29833483695983887	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 0.8466510772705078 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 0.8022150993347168 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 0.7888422012329102 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 0.3941817283630371 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.416118860244751 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 0.42328405380249023 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.3695280551910400
200k	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 19.106724977493286 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 22.98161005973816 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 23.126408100128174 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 11.401129007339478 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.6159579753875732 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 12.087002992630005 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.6241748332977295	. Benchmark time (1 cold cache ): 1.328582763671875 Benchmark time (2, warm cache): 1.279066801071167 Benchmark time (3, warm cache): 1.2781598567962646 Benchmark time (4, odds ): 0.6520607471466064 Benchmark time (5, odds ): 0.647273063659668 Benchmark time (6, evens ): 0.6393017768859863 Benchmark time (7, evens ): 0.6427278518676758