whiteThird.json

{"text":"The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now."},
{"text":"A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus."},
{"text":"Cock."},
{"text":"A cop who is also a dog."},
{"text":"Dying alone and in pain."},
{"text":"Gay aliens."},
{"text":"The way white people is."},
{"text":"Reverse cowgirl."},
{"text":"The Quesadilla Explosion Salad™ from Chili's©."},
{"text":"Actually getting shot, for real."},
{"text":"Not having sex."},
{"text":"Vietnam flashbacks."},
{"text":"Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere."},
{"text":"Nothing."},
{"text":"Warm, velvety muppet sex."},
{"text":"Self-flagellation."},
{"text":"The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life."},
{"text":"Samuel L. Jackson."},
{"text":"A boo-boo."},
{"text":"Going around punching people."},
{"text":"The entire Internet."},
{"text":"Some kind of bird-man."},
{"text":"Chugging a lava lamp."},
{"text":"Having sex on top of a pizza."},
{"text":"Indescribable loneliness."},
{"text":"An ass disaster."},
{"text":"Shutting the fuck up."},
{"text":"All my friends dying."},
{"text":"Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR."},
{"text":"Spending lots of money."},
{"text":"Some douche with an acoustic guitar."},
{"text":"Flying robots that kill people."},
{"text":"A greased-up Matthew McConaughey."},
{"text":"An unstoppable wave of fire ants."},
{"text":"Not contributing to society in any meaningful way."},
{"text":"An all-midget production of Shakespeare's <i>Richard III</i>."},
{"text":"Screaming like a maniac."},
{"text":"The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth."},
{"text":"Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding."},
{"text":"Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks."},
{"text":"Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath."},
{"text":"Velcro&trade;."},
{"text":"A PowerPoint presentation."},
{"text":"A surprising amount of hair."},
{"text":"Eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers."},
{"text":"Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king."},
{"text":"That ass."},
{"text":"A pile of squirming bodies."},
{"text":"Buying the right pants to be cool."},
{"text":"Blood farts."},
{"text":"Three months in the hole."},
{"text":"A botched circumcision."},
{"text":"The Land of Chocolate."},
{"text":"Slapping a racist old lady."},
{"text":"A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint."},
{"text":"Jumping out at people."},
{"text":"A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie."},
{"text":"Mufasa's death scene."},
{"text":"Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone."},
{"text":"Demonic possession."},
{"text":"The Harlem Globetrotters."},
{"text":"Vomiting mid-blowjob."},
{"text":"My manservant, Claude."},
{"text":"Having shotguns for legs."},
{"text":"Letting everyone down."},
{"text":"A spontaneous conga line."},
{"text":"A vagina that leads to another dimension."},
{"text":"Disco fever."},
{"text":"Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick."},
{"text":"Fisting."},
{"text":"The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn."},
{"text":"Girls that always be textin'."},
{"text":"Blowing some dudes in an alley."},
{"text":"Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs&reg; to get fifty continuous hours of energy."},
{"text":"Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time."}